27th aug

27th Aug

Today was a national Holiday! The new constitution has been signed and to celebrate this one of the village neighbours decided to blast music from about 6 am till sundown –wicked!!!
Its Helens first day here, and sadly Kerea is back in Nairobi.
I took Helen to the orphanage so she could experience the place and compare it to the one she visited in Embu, and I needed to check on Hilary’s wrist.
We had a lazy few hours at the orphanage, the kids were genuinely pleased to see me, which I was surprised at cos, ive prob spend the least time with them then anyone else. Either way it was nice to feel wanted. I think my favourite, although, one really shouldn’t have favourites, is Brian. Brian is 11 (i think –yikes) and thinks that he is a rude boy. But i definitely have a connection with him. When I arrived at the gate, all the other kids ran to greet and hug me but he remained back. I shouted, ‘oi come say hello, you!’. And he was like ‘hello’, from where he stood. So I replied, ‘come give me a hug’, but he didn’t say anything and so I ran after him and he ran away screaming and then suddenly stopped and ran towards me and let me hug him. Oh I def have a soft spot for Brian, I kinda see a bit of me as a youngster in him. Kinda longing for love and not really being able to accept it despite really wanting it, but always eventually, letting the boundaries down and allowing to be loved. We all hung out under a tree.
Chris, one of the younger orphans, had hurt his leg and had changed form the most bubbly, mischievous little boy to a whimpering, sad- looking heap under the tree. He had a slightly swollen leg and a small healing cut on his heal. I examined his leg and felt that it was fine and he was just under the weather with a sore leg but I think that I may go and see him in the week.
Florence, another one of the girls had fallen off a motorbike and had a large section of skin missing from her lower leg. A scab had formed over it and she had been prescribed some topical antibiotic cream and some oral antibiotics so i wasn’t so worried about her.
I played football with Brian for about an hour and felt it important to spend time with him. I could tell that he was a little peeved when my attention moved to the injured children or allowed one of the other kids to hug me. I think that he may have a trust problem, I do love the way that him and the other boys act tough etc, but if i play fight with him or let him lay on my knees, or if i sit with my arms around him, he lets me and softens up.
It is difficult ya know, I def have love to give these children, but Im cautious, Im only here for another three weeks, and then I may never see them again. Transient love hurts, and I know with experience that I would have rather not experienced the care of someone at an age when I needed it that experienced it. You guys would prob say that its better to have loved than not loved at all, and I mean that in all context of the word love. I dono, these kids see so many people, and experience love and kindness from so many people. But nothing is stable and nothing is forever. Maybe it is good that they know that there are nice people in the world and love can come from anyone, but how does one learn to trust love or become attached and reliant on someone when these people go once their volunteering time is up. I guess that is why the love that they have for each other is so special. I think, im gonna spend as much time as I can at the orphanage, its hard cos im so tired after the hospital but maybe il try and endure church this weekend. I guess I might buy them lollipops again.
I admire these kids and I guess I initially stayed away because i didn’t feel that I had anything to offer these children. Well anything that would last. But memories are forever right, even when people are absent, with that in mind, il make the time that I have with them memorable.