12 aug cont

12th August

People warned me that I would see stuff here that would upset me, and every day that i have been in Kenya, i have been emotionally challenged by aspects of Kenyan life. Today I was really disappointed by humans, and I was saddened to my very core. Im going to describe quite a horrific chain of events and want to warn ya before you read on.

So, I had just finished seeing this fat Kenyan policeman who was wondering why his knees were hurting, neglecting the fact that he is obese and is on feet all day. Anyhow, Dr Phill shouted for my assistance from the surgical room , and me thinking it was to do another circumcision, took my time to respond.

I knocked on the door and entered the unlocked room. Before me were two of the male staff holding down the arms of someone on the couch. The patients face was obscured from my view so for some reason I figured that the presence of this number of staff could only mean that the patient was male. Another male staff was holding down a leg and a female member of staff was holding down another leg. ‘Ah’, I thought another circumcision where the boy won’t keep still’.

I turned away and put my bag down, rolled up my sleeves and put some gloves on. Dr phill Jumped up from in between the patients legs and said, ‘ah ronke you are here, come and help me finish this procedure’. As he said this he held up the instrument that he had been holding –it was a vacuum pump. An instrument that I have become familiar with, we use it to remove the products of conception. For a moment I was confused, then I looked at the patient, it was a girl, a really young girl. I immediately asked what was going on here, this girl was pretty much naked, looked in her late teens, legs and arms held akimbo by four members of staff, her gentalia exposed for all to see in such an undignifying way and it looked like an abortion taking place.

I WAS FUMMING! I was so cross so fucking cross. I demanded to know why this was happening, and I was told the following...

The patient was a 20 year old mentally impaired female, who from childhood has been mute and only able to follow simple commands. The girl has never been able to look after herself, go to school, or be of any use, she has always been reliant on her mother. (mum was also in the room, holding down her daughter with her 2 year old son on her back). One day a few months back, the mother had to travel and so left the girl at home alone. During her mother’s absence, this girl was repeatedly raped by men in the village. A few months later it transpires that the girl is pregnant and obviously, mum doesn’t want her to have this baby and so here we were today, removing it. I was gutted for this girl. Looking at her on the table she was so helpless, hadn’t a clue what was happening to her. Everyone was commenting on how un co-operative she was being and I angrily retorted that, if no one has explained, or even tried to explain what the hell is going on, of course she is going to be un-cooperative. Someone replied that they couldn’t believe that she had been raped if she was this strong. AHH what the fuck, Im standing there watching a girl have to go through an abortion, a procedure that she doesn’t understand in a way that probably reminded her of the events that causes this predicament in the first place. I haven’t the words to even explain the gruesome picture before me. Don’t get me wrong, non of the staff holding this girl down were enjoying it but nobody was offering her words of comfort or even displaying empathy, everybody was just focused on holding her down.

There she was lying pinned down like an animal, she wasn’t even covered, just bare and naked for all to see.
No anaesthetic either, the vacuum was just used to remove the contents of her womb and she would have felt everything.

I asked her mother why, her daughter was in such a bad way, why was the skin and legs of her inner thighs so dry, mother had nothing to say. At this point I dono what came over me i just let rip, I told the mother that she must never leave her daughter in such a vulnerable position again, it was her duty as a mother to ensure that this girl is taught how to care for her self even in the basic ways. It is not an excuse to say that because she can’t speak that she would be unable to learn simple tasks by watching her mother complete them first. I kind of went on with this talk and hoped that my status as the foreign Dr would make this women sit up and listen. Girls are raped here in Kenya and when they are, it is their fault, and if they fall pregnant they are expected to keep the baby or give it to an orphanage. The men go unpunished, it is almost thought of as expected that some men are unable to control themselves and will behave in such a way. Ah, furious. I was so sad for this girl, angry at the situation at first, the Dr was unable to remove all the contents and so a pill was placed in her vagina/cervix,that stimulates contractions and will enable her to expel the remaining contents (the dead fetus). Did anyone explain this to her? No! This teenager, with the mind of a child, was not only raped, had just suffered the humiliation of having an instrument inserted into her in front of an audience, was now going to go into labour and expel a dead fetus. Ah, Im traumatised thinking about her going through this.
Listen I am not for one second saying that the staff here don’t care about this girl, they do. Im not saying that what they are doing is wrong, im saying that I just cant deal with the difference in practise. In the western world, as long as the patient it competent then they are informed and consented on all procedures. This girl was perhaps not competent, actually, I don’t think she was but nothing was done to maintain her dignity throughout the above events. I know that the staff have probably see a fair few cases like this and so were perhaps numb to it all, but I don’t think I could ever get use to hearing such a sad story and seeing such things.
After the procedure, I asked the men to leave. The girl was dressed and told to lie down in the maternity area, here she would remain until the contractions began. Mum went with her and sat at the edge of the bed, playing with her baby, as her daughter lie still, mute and just unaware of the pending events that were about to take place in her abdomen.
This all happened at about midday today, im writing this at 11 pm. Im glad my mate keara is here cos I can off load on her a bit. I really am sad about what I saw today. I feel the pain that you feel when ya dumped. Real aching saddnes in the pit of my chest. And dya know what Im ashamed of myself, despite me writing that this girl really needed female staff around to care for her, i left shortly after completing three circumcisions straight after her procedure. The thought of watching this girl go into labour and deliver a dead foetus, was too much for me. I could not bare it. And for this I am deeply ashamed of myself as the pain that I am feeling, is nothing to what she may be feeling and will have to go through. Ah, I sat on the bus driving away from the hospital bloody miserable, but i figure i have to protect myself. Everyday, I am realising more that there is just evil out their, uncomprehendable evil. People like this girl are suffering at the hands of our fellow humans. What the hell goes through someone mind that makes them think that doing such horrific thing to a young girl is okay? And dya know what, it dosnt end there for this girl, HIV mate, we haven’t even done an HIV test for this girl or tested her for other STIs, with the HIV rate being what it is in Kenya, i wouldn’t be surprised if she tests positive, and what was her mistake, shes mentally impaired. I don’t understand, if there is a god, Kenyans are mostly all quite religious, why does he allow these things to happen to people like her?

Im homesick too today. It raining like monsoon raining here. I don’t have waterproof shoes, the waters really cold, i really need to poo, i long for a hot drink that isn’t Kenyan tea, im tired from the lack of sleep, I miss my sisters, im tired of alcohol gelling my hands,i need to floss, im bored of talking about myself to every villager in 100km radius.

I feel guilty for feeling all the above.