22nd Aug

22nd August

Its official, I am the only black sun worshipper in Kenya. I wake up at seven (suns up at six) and, brush my teeth wash my face put on my swimming suit ( a brilliant eighties number that I bought on the beach on my first day) and make my way down to the beach (30 seconds away). Get the cushion for the sun lounger, place it in full direction of the sun, pull down my bikini straps, get out my water, my shades and my book and sunbathe until it gets too hot. On average the temperature has been in the early thirties and the sun is uncovered by clouds and is just relentless and amazing. Its hottest between 12 pm and 2 and when I mean hot I mean hot!! It’s so funny many of the Kenyans can’t believe their eyes when they walk past me, A KENYAN? SUNBATHING? But I love it. On questioning many of the Kenyan women I know, on why they dislike the beautiful sun, they say that the sun is too much and they don’t want to get too dark –EY, confuse!
I long to get darker and after three days in the sun, im glowing. Gutted that I only had three days thou.
Kearea and her mate Erin also love to sunbathe problem is that they both has pale Irish skin and today, kearea got sunburnt and heat stroke which I was hoping was malaria so I could do the dr thing but no cigar she had acute sunstroke AND IS NOW BLOODY BURNT THAT THE PART OF HER BODY COVERED BY THE BIKINI IS WHITE AND THE REST OF HER IS BRIGHT PINK! YIKES
It was so hot and sunny that even my African skin is peeling! But nothing beats sitting on the beach for eight hours and doing nothing, thinking about nothing, sometimes reading, sometimes going for a dip, but mostly laying and tanning. I get it, I bloody get why Londoners crave and so thoroughly and in so much advance plan their 2 weeks summer holiday in the sun. The sun heals, the sun makes you happy, the sun tans, the sun bleaches everything clean and I love it.
Actually today, I decided to have a whole pineapple for brekky. I cut and prepared it on my sun lounger with my swiss army knife (love it). As I was eating the first portion, I noticed that a monkey was staring at me. A really cute monkey with blue testicles and a pink willy. I add this extra description cos the actual fur on the monkey was beige. It was as almost as if god was having a laugh when he assigned the colour to these animals genitalia. Blue balls and a pink willy, very exotic, but brown fur? Why not purple. Anyhow the monkey and I eyeballed each other for a few minutes, I figured that it wanted some fruit so I offered a piece of which it reached out and took and ate on the spot. These monkies were like small children, with fully formed human hands (unable to thumb oppose) and walking towards me on hind legs. Anyhow, big bloody mistake after five minutes, im pretty sure that every monkey in Africa had decided to descend on the beach and rob me of my pineapple! Seriously, I was surrounding by monkeys of every size all trying to grab a piece of pineapple of me –i was slightly scared also –eek. And so I packed the pineapple in a bag and thought they would all jog on. Er no they didnt , they grabbed the bag, ripped it open and ate all the pineapple remnants within it. Ergh, mayhem!!
Speaking of Animals, the cats and dogs here ARE NOT PETs they are feral animals, unloved by the Kenyans and often ignored or kicked. For some reason there are cats everywhere, Kearea suggests that this is because they deal with rats as Kenyas sanitation methods leave a lot to be desired. The cats here at the hotel seem cute, and so I gave one a bowl of milk, stupid me. This cat is now stalking me. Twice ive come out of our room and its been ‘waiting for m on the stairs’. Also it has suddenly become more vocal at me, purring at me all the fucking time. No way mate, aint feeding that cat again after the monkey debacle. Dont wana get myself a name in the Mombasa animal kingdom.
Few more interesting things occurred today, I was at the supermarket buying goods and was fortunate to be stood in front of two Massai in the checkout queue. Er massai are fucking hot. Tall, dark, fit, elaborately decorated and just calm. No wonder, white women fall in love with them. Anyhow, I saw two such fit Massai today and was like ah how funny to see two Massai in a queue along side muzongo on holiday and other Kenyans. So I had a nosey into their trolley, what could they be buying, basic supplies for their modest abode? No mate, these two men, had a trolley full to the brim of cans of Stella. Made me chuckle, to watch two Massai men in the full Massi get up and stick in tow try and negotiate a trolley full of beer (or is it larger).

Lastly, mossi nets is making me heave. They are just a nightmare provoking addition to bedtime.